i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you didnt know i had herpes?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
