Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
