u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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