I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
