I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
