i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
