how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
