soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
