You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
