no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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