God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
