Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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