Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
