If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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