is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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