As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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