I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
pray to the hookup gods
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
