I'm jealous of your bromance
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
