drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
