What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
