last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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