How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
