nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
