Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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