i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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