A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
