No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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