dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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