sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
