He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
