You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
