She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
