I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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