I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
