she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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