All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
