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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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