you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
