you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
