did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So drunk its hurt
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
