Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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