I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
