he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
