ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
