Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
