I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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