it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
