First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
