It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
