YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
