She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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