There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
