Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
