So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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