I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
