The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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