if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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