I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
