Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
