so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
