I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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