I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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