Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
