I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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