i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
