That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
