There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
