someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
