got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
