she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
