my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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