I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
