On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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