well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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