I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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