did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
