I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize