Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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