I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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